Just Six Feet Under

Just Six Feet Under…………by Adele Marie

Where am I…How did I get here and where is here… It is very hard to see, there is no light…I am opening my eyes and still I cannot see anything…I cannot remember anything…Where am I….

I have never been claustrophobic, so why am I feeling this way right now…Relax I tell myself and just breathe…Where am I…What is going on… Why can I not remember anything…I am trying to get up and I do not have much room around me to move, I lift my head and bang it on something above me...I try to raise my arms to feel what my head hit and I cannot reach my arms above me or move them around very well…I can only feel what is above my body...the texture is rough like wood…where am I….there seems to be a ceiling above me…I can feel it, but I cannot see it….it is very close only a few inches from my body to the ceiling above me…Where am I …what is going on…relax, I tell myself and just breathe…

I cannot move my arms very well, my legs cannot bend…I feel trapped….there is no room…. Where am I ….I feel the air in which I am breathing is being cut off…Dear God what is happening and where am I….I start to feel all around me and all I keep touching is walls…relax and just breathe….everywhere I touch I feel the walls enclosing in upon me….Where am I….I cannot escape…I cannot get up and run….what is happening...where am I….hello anyone there…why can’t you hear me…where am I…please someone can you hear me…Relax and take a deep breathe…I cannot…there is no air…I am suffocating and I cannot breathe…What is holding me down, why can’t I move…what is going on…Dear God where am I…..


Finally….Oh My God, what a relief, a rush of fresh air…I can breathe….I see a beautiful brilliant light that is shining before me…I can see…all of a sudden I am not enclosed any longer…I feel a rush of wind around me…Looking ahead of me I can see this beautiful light shining so bright that I have to cover my eyes…there, right there….there is a person, I see an outline of someone walking towards me...I can feel her, I can see her…Mom…ohhh… Mom where have you been…

It seems like it has been eternity since I have seen you, how beautiful she is…she walks towards me with her arms outstretched and I run…I run to her and throw myself in her arms and break down and cry…I feel her warmth and strength flow through me, God she feels like heaven…I keep hearing her say “I love you and I am right here”…I look at her with tear stained cheeks as I tell her “I am tired, I could not breathe Mom…I love you too” ….She holds me close as I feel alive again. It just feels so wonderful to have her hold me, to know all of this is just a dream…a nightmare that never seemed to end…

I feel a rush of warmth and love surge through me…I feel a cocoon of gentleness surround me and I feel safe…as I raise my head to look around I see all of my family walking up to join us…Everyone is smiling, laughing and so happy, welcoming me back…Grandma and granddaddy…Tillie and Poppi hugging me in their embrace…whispering to me “ it is over child, you are safe, no one can ever hurt you again”…And I start to weep, finally someone heard me…someone came to my rescue and made the pain go away…. I can breathe…I feel so loved and cherished that I just want to stay there….I can finally relax and let go…. They heard me…they heard my voice calling out for help…and they came…and here I am with all of my loved ones…so many faces…so many whom I recognize that I have not seen for what seems like eternity…I start to laugh excitedly…so many whom have always been right by my side that I forgot about, I have only seen them in my dreams and meditations and here they are...front and center and they hear me….thank you for hearing me…thank you for believing me enough to hear me…to be here with me keeping me safe and sound…

I feel the excitement, it is swirling around me so strong and sweet...I look up just as Mother walks towards me and embraces me and says “ my child well done, you see it is all so very easy…all you had to do was let go”…yes, yes I let go of the worry, fear, pain, terror, horror that I have been living with for so long…the bonds of imprisonment being enclosed within and no one there to hear my voice….and then…………

I stepped back from everyone…Wait… what is this all about, where am I…I look around and everywhere I see are my loved ones…all who have passed before me…all who have lived and have died in my life…well, this is normal…I see them all the time, I talk to them all the time…but …but this is different…I am living among them breathing just as they are…feeling, hugging and seeing them so different than I have always done…

I turn to Mother and say” Mother where am I …what has happened?”…she gentle places her arms around me to see where I was… as I look around there is my physical body…it is in a box…six feet under….


Oh my God…I remember now…I could not breathe, I kept running and running and no one would listen to me…no one would hear me when I asked for help…they all just laughed…I told everyone …I kept telling them I was being stalked, I kept telling them he is out to destroy me…he hires people to follow me, to scare me and to keep the control through terror and intimidation…the abuse is never ending, they are now doing all of it legally…the abuse is now legalized abuse….No one would listen, they kept saying it will be over soon… and I kept running and then it happened…out of no where…. I felt a pressure and then nothing ……..

As I looked over I saw my children all standing around me crying…hurting with so much pain and anguish, all terrorized for what had happened to me…they all fell apart…they keep re-living the nightmare…..my friends where there too...each one of them crying…each one of them talking about the fight and struggle of watching it all happen to me when no one would listen…But no one would move so I could see what had happened to me…I remembered seeing this and thinking why are you crying for me...I finally feel good, I am free from the abuse and fear of being assassinated…no fear…no terror…no watching over my shoulder to see where it was coming from…no more can they hurt me…no more can they control or abuse me…I was in that box…six feet under…….

But then the rush of emotions to know Dear God what now…my children are not safe…I was not safe and now they are all alone to have to fight that same threat of fear and terror…my antagonist got what they wanted …they stalked me and they got rid of me and now what will happen to my children…I curled up in a ball and wept…I cried out against the injustice of what had happened…I hurt all over because like me, there was nothing they could do…no one to turn to …no where to hide….no justice for the abused, for those who fear for their lives…the systems do nothing to help, they close their eyes and ears to the cries around them…for it is not their life, it is not their family and it is not their problem….


He did this…his family did this and his counsel did this…the world allowed this to happen because no one would listen…they would not listen to my words…my voice…my side of the story…I never hurt anyone…I always lent a helping hand…I could never stay mad at anyone and never judge another….I took the abuse for years…I swallowed my pride on numerous occasions. I gave in to keep the hurt and pain away from others…I allowed myself to be blackmailed, threatened, terrorized, manipulated, living in fear each day and still I gave with so much love as to not harm another….why…why does society allow this to continue…

All I did was say “I am tired and through…I want out”…I want out of the hell I was living in…constantly being told how much a piece of crap I was, constantly being told that no one cared about me…constantly stepping between him and the kids so he would not keep hurting them with his cruel remarks and twisted behavior…Constantly having to give him my money so he could buy whatever he thought he needed with no thought to others…constantly being humiliated for my femininity and having to submit on demand, Constantly being the whipping post when he learned a new karate move…constantly being told how dumb and stupid…that I was “no fun” because I did not drink…and all the times when a gun was kept pointed to my head as I went to bed…Constantly the beer flowed around him, every day every night watching as he drank more and more...watching as he doctored himself with his own medications. It was never ending and then I made the mistake to say I want to be left alone I want out of this marriage…

And then it began and this time more in earnest…this time it was worse than ever before, the taunting, the threats, objects being thrown and stolen...the belittling by him and his family…all the lies, the untruths...their imagination was going wild….busting through the door to the house to intimidate, threaten and even more lies…watching as they went to court and gave under oath untruths upon untruths…sworn testimonies to take my children away from me with lies…my mouth dropping open as they knew they were lying…I remember thinking “ God is going to get you for all of your untruths…how can you live with yourself by being so untruthful”…the stalking day and night continues …the phone calls continue…my friends and their families receiving calls scaring them, threatening them…my phone being wiretapped…a tracking device on my truck so that at any hour of night and day they would know my whereabouts…never being alone to be at Peace…to feel safe……

All those years of me being alone trying to help him fight his battle with alcohol and addiction to his prescriptions meds and his family would close their eyes and ears to the truth, to the abuse that the children and I lived through, allowing their grandchildren to live through that pain because they were not going to admit their son had problems….oh no…for that would mean that they had a hand in their sons faults and no one in that family had any faults…they were all perfect….they left me to deal with their son and his addictions and they walked away, but not before they would say how much they hated me…why…was I getting too close to the truth…because I told the truth even though they would not listen… they did not live in reality… but that which was their own…

I would always hear…”its your lie you tell it…well, they tell it so very well”…

And here I am six foot under…in a box in the ground and no one can hear my voice any longer…no one can hear about the injustice that we as abuse victims live through…no one has to look upon my face any longer to see truth in my expressions and to hear my words of truth about the horrors I lived through…you see if they did…they would know what truth really is...and not just that of a delusional woman who felt every pain that was inflicted upon her…A woman who could no longer take the mental, emotional, sexual, financial and physical abuse and pain any longer...that she decided to voice her words…she decided to be a voice that others could hear so they too would find comfort in knowing they are not alone…

Statistics show that abused women and men return to their abuser as no one will hear their voice, their side of the story …that the justice system is designed to have the abused go back to the abuser so that the do not have to be involved in domestic violence…you may see many shows on television with abuse…but no one shows you the real horrors and truths the abused go though or has to live through just to take another breath and to keep alive one more day. The system is set up to look the other way…to give just enough assistance to keep the abused stringing along with enough hope that unfortunately never comes along.

For no one understands the abuser will always find ways to keep that voice from being heard………and knows they can get away with it…….


And to those who find the courage to say “enough is enough, I am getting out”…just look six feet under and know they are still there just waiting for someone to hear their voice…………….



To BE Continued…..




Love, Laughter & Light, Adele Marie



All Rights reserved 2010© Adele, Angelic Wise Ones

Divorce and at Best…. Domestic Violence Divorce

Divorce and at Best…Domestic Violence Divorce
By: Adele Linsalata




What will it take to hear the voices of all those in this world that live each day with Violence and Abuse within their own married life? Why are their voices not heard?

Simple…The Laws, Political Systems and Courts give permission for those voices not to be heard….oh and the fact that the abusers abuse the systems too….

So many individuals live each day with fear in their hearts, mind, body and soul…they wear a smile for others, but deep inside they try to find a way to get out of what they are now living and to what others say “you have got yourself into”…they search for ways to get out but have no one to turn to? They seek companionship without any attachments for they are trying to protect those around them from going through the same thing that they themselves are living…and most of all they love their children so much they believe they can live with what they are going through, just to give their children a chance…

These are women and men who live with such abuse and violence everyday in their life…they could be your neighbor or friend, co-worker or someone who volunteered their time to help others but still too afraid to tell anyone their story…You do not even know them until you hear about them, you do not even know them until you see their picture on the evening news, being told by the reporter on duty about how this individual was killed in a domestic violence an abusive relationship/marriage…

We then take just a moment of our time to stop and watch with horror what someone lived through, how they were killed, who they left behind and then we go on with our lives as if they never existed…and truly they never did. For the life of an abused spouse, partner, girlfriend or boyfriend is one in which you truly do not live your own life at all…. but the life that your spouse, partner, girlfriend or boyfriend wanted you to live… all of it centers around the abusers life and how they choose to live their life, to have everything at their control to abuse the power in which said “ I do” and you are just a possession like anything else they own.

And to all whom say “how can that be or a person really has their own free will of choice, well they got themselves into it in the first place”…whatever is going on in your mind right now…. then you need to sit down and listen as the story unfolds…

Do you know what it is like to hold your head in your hands and not know your own thoughts anymore…to not even know who you are? To know that everything you do is to give to others and there is no one allowed to give to you because the abuser will take everyone one away from you that makes a difference in your world? Do you know what it is like…Do you…..

Because just like anything that society hands out to us, we are all indoctrinated into it little by little…when you see a swimming pool for the first time in your life and everyone says come on in and join us…you go and test out the water and it is freezing, you do not want to go into the water but….. or your are under so much peer pressure that you just jump right in…little did you expect that yes…the water is freezing and I do not like it, but you stay in it anyway as to not be embarrassed by your peers…after a while you can no longer feel the freezing water as your body and mind have now acclimated to all of it…you then begin to join in with everyone else…much later you have an ear ache, you end up with the sniffles and you start to cough…Everyone laughs at you for being a sissy or too weak and you hold your head up and keep trudging along, even though all you want to do is go to bed and wished that you never got into the water to begin with…Now you have to suffer the consequences of your actions and decisions.

The abused do not get time to go to bed and wish the world away as they want to do, they do not get time to be sorry for themselves as there are too many other things that must now be done….These are not sissy or weak individuals …These are individuals who are fighting for their life each day….these are individuals who are strong and their abusers know this, that is why the abuser continues to intimidate, manipulate, belittles, scare, threatens the one to whom all their abuse is directed too…to keep the individual down, the abuser must then show their own power and control over the individual they possess as to not allow the abused any breathing room.

When you meet someone everything is great and wonderful you are enjoying the company of another… The individual tells you everything you want to hear, they are exactly what you have been looking for…because everyone is seeking one thing and that is love. So you next find yourself saying I love you….they tell you this too. You are doing all the things they love to do, helping them , going places and the stuff you once enjoyed is put to the wayside. Why, because you want them to know just how much you want to be with them, just how much you love them, so this is the way to show them all these things….You are building your life and relationship; your friends are not on the phone with you every minute any longer for you now have someone else to take their place.

As the relationship grows and last longer than any of your other relationships that you have had previously, you start to wrap your whole world around this individual and they are enjoying what is being given. Everything to you is happy and life is wonderful…you are in love and you have someone who loves you, what more could you ask for…

And then after a time you notice that you want to go and do one of your favorite things and your loved one comes up with an excuse to not go with you…at the same time they make you feel as if you are hurting their feelings for going without them, so you stay with them and cancel your plans…”Well, I can miss it just this once”… Next thing you know you are at a store with your loved one for what seems to be hours as they look at this and that…they tell you it will only be a few more minutes, to find it has been hours and you are still not getting anything done that you needed to get done. When they express to you that you can do it another day and say to you “don’t you love me”… you smile because that is true you can always do it the next day and yes, I love you so much…

The next day comes and as you are getting ready to go, your loved one has something that has to be done and just forget about what you are doing because if you loved me you would help me and go with me…Once again you say “okay” and off you go…after a time you find that your whole life is revolving around them and when you say something that you need to do, they start to get upset…slowly you find yourself in a situation that you feel guilty for wanting to do anything without the others permission or them being with you. Or you feel that you really do have other things to do and that you yourself wanted to do really is not that important at all…Over a time what was once a kiss of love becomes a kiss of being obedient to the wishes of that loved one….

Now mind you, you do not see all of this at first, your loved one is making you feel that they cannot live without you being with them…But suddenly you have no friends like you used to because your loved one tells you that “your friends are jealous of you and that you do not need them”…you feel precisely and justified that “yes, you are right… I did nothing wrong, if they were my friend they would not be so rude to me or jealous of me”....You find out to late that you have just opened that door for then…. the intimidation and belittling begins…

All along what you have no understanding of, is that your family and friends are seeing what is going on and when they approach you, you become defensive to what they are saying…How can anyone not be so good for you when all they do is tell you how they need you…you start to confuse love with a form of control and power that is held over you….

How many times have you been there, seeing a friend go through something and when they talk to you and you give to hem the truth, they will do the opposite of what you told them to begin with….With the abused they do not realize this, they do not see it the way you are seeing them and their situation...the abuser has done such a thorough job mentally and emotionally to their victim and still gains even greater control.

All of it is mind and emotional manipulations…the abuser is seeking to justify their own self and will use you to be the end of all means…it starts out very slowly…like calming a horse as you place the saddle on its back for the very first time…they create a false sense of security as the abuser gets their victim comfortable to their smell and touch for them to know who the master is and by the time you catch on to all of their lies and deceit…they laugh and say “that is just the way I reeled you in”….

There are six different kinds of Abuse…Mental, Emotional, Physical, Financial and Sexual… another not to ignore is Neglect….one is Not more powerful than the other as they all can be the death of you…

It is all in the concealment of the Abuser as all of it is a form of Control and Power over another living life. Abuse is a type of behavior that one individual takes on to unjustly control another person. And when you have Domestic Violence/ Domestic Abuse…more than likely, the individual feels they need to protect the extended family and their children as to allow the abuse to continue….

And then again, it is because so many times they too have watched on the television one story after another, one talk show after another…that someone has tried to leave their marriage because of so much Abuse and Violence… They have tried to let others hear their side of the story to hear their voice and they only made it six foot under….


To Be Continued…


Love, Laughter & Light, Adele Linsalata


All Rights reserved 2010© Adele Linsalata , Angelic Wise Ones